Reflections

It’s amazing how much can change in just a year. I’m sure that statement will ring even more true to me next year. 2009 has been both the most difficult year and the happiest year of my life so far. Last year at this time, I was just going through the motions of life and never felt really present in any situation. I just had so much on my mind and felt so lost. I would wake up every morning and no matter how well I slept or whatever fun things might lie ahead for the day, within minutes of waking up, the heartache would set in. It got to the point that I avoided people because I knew they would inevitably ask me if we had kids yet and it was just such a painful subject for me. Even if people didn’t ask, I imagined that in their heads they were wondering and talking amongst themselves. Dave and I vowed that 2009 would be the year that one way or another, we were going to have a baby. We couldn’t deny any longer that we might need some help and it was time to face reality. After that first consultation in Iowa City, we had so much hope. It just felt good to know that we were really going after it and that our chances of having a baby were better than they ever had been. The IVF process was long and drawn out – lots of waiting in between each step of the process. That was the hardest part. We’d be on such a high after an appointment and then we’d have to wait six weeks or more until our next appointment and there were times when it was hard to keep our spirits up but we just had to keep trucking along. I was grateful that the majority of the downtime was during the summer because I was able to keep busy with lots of activities that helped keep my mind occupied. Once we finally started the injections at the end of the summer, things really started moving along and before we knew it, September 24th came and we got the news we had waited almost four years to hear. I still have a hard time believing that I’m actually pregnant. I haven't really felt the baby move yet - I've felt little things that I think might be the baby but I can't say for sure. Really, I'd just like a strong kick in the stomach! I know soon enough things will really start happening and before we know it the baby will be here but I guess when you’ve wanted something so desperately for so long it’s hard to believe that you no longer have to shoulder that burden. I feel so thankful for the support of my family and friends and I can't wait to see what 2010 holds for our new little family. I just feel so full of hope!! Happy New Year everyone!!